The Scholarship Nazi Issued You a Beat Down. Should You Tell the Children?

(Note: The Scholarship Nazi was introduced in this post last week).

Here’s the situation. You’ve gone to the Scholarship Nazi about a baseball (athletic) scholarship for your son (or daughter). You made your pitch to him. He laughed in your face, took your little bat from you, and then beat you silly with it. He then rib kicked you into the fetal position with his black, steel toe boots. You don’t feel so tough anymore. Should you tell your children about the beat down that this bully gave you and warn them about the Scholarship Nazi?

Yes, Virginia, there is a Scholarship Nazi 

The question is not “if” to tell them but “when.”

First off, there is no shame in getting a beat down from the Scholarship Nazi. He does this to just about everyone. It’s a rite of passage for almost all parents. So take some pride in your black and blue badges of honor.

When your son or daughter tells you he or she wants to become a professional athlete, I would recommend that you, as a parent, sit down and show them the odds discussed last week. In other words, you should warn him or her him about the Scholarship Nazi.

I don’t think you need to have this conversation too much earlier than the age of thirteen. It’s okay to be a kid and to have dreams. In fact, it’s probably a healthy thing. But you will run into problems if you don’t address the issue head-on by around age thirteen.

Now maybe you don’t to disclose the odds and discuss the Scholarship Nazi because you don’t want to destroy your child’s dreams. Okay, well then I guess having your son or daughter believing in the tooth fairy and Santa Claus is acceptable to you too at that age.

Anyway, all you’re doing with respect to having this professional sports career talk is to show them the odds. The odds can form the basis for conversations then and for conversations yet to come. You are not telling them not to pursue the dream and that baseball or any sport is a waste of time. You are revealing the odds. They’ll figure out the rest over time long before the Scholarship Nazi finds them.

Or, maybe, you don’t want to disclose the odds and the existence of the Scholarship Nazi because you don’t want to crush your dreams for your child. Well, if that is going on you should make an appointment to meet with your mirror to have a long, hard look at yourself. If you don’t tell the children about the Scholarship Nazi, he will most likely find your child and give him or her the beat down when it’s too late.

Please protect your child from the Scholarship Nazi. If I can save one child from crushing grip of the Scholarship Nazi by writing this post, it will be worth it. (Yes, I ‘m being facetious in making this point).

Either way, I see no benefit of having a young man or woman play any game under false pretenses that there is a Scholarship Fairy. In fact, by not disclosing and discussing the odds, I think you are doing a disservice to your child by allowing him or her to live in a world of unreasonable expectations. Your child will lose valuable time in considering what career paths are both interesting and available to them.

Why Age Thirteen?

So why should you have this conversation right around the age of thirteen? Simple. At that age, your son or daughter is about to enter high school.

Grades matter in high school. They don’t mean anything in elementary school or middle school. Nobody cares what you did back then. Did you ever hear of someone getting denied a job or college admission because they didn’t do well in middle school? No.

I’m not saying that studies should be ignored before high school. They just are not as important because I believe kids should still have childhoods.

My advice to kids early on has always been to have a good time in elementary and middle school because, come high school, it’s time to hit the books. I like to set the rules of the game early on so that expectations can be ingrained over time. I think it is a good thing that kids know what to expect going forward so they can adjust years beforehand.

Come high school, grades do matter because the transcript is one of the big things colleges consider in deciding to accept or reject a student to college. Grades have an impact on the amount of merit scholarships your son or daughter might receive. Also, grades do matter if they plan to do something else other than college. The grades represent a level of competence in a number of different skills.

I know there are some folks out there who will put their child’s nose to the academic grindstone early on and pressure their kids to do well right through high school. I think that approach is more likely to backfire at some point and it is more likely to backfire at the wrong time.

Here’s the Recipe 

Around age thirteen, put a sports reality discussion disclosure in one bowl. In another bowl, add a discussion about the need for good grades in high school. Mix them both in a crock pot (your child’s brain) and let them cook for a year on simmer before high school. Check every so often to see that the appliance is plugged in and that something is cooking. Stir often. With your help, they’ll figure it out.

Ignorance is the Enemy

I have heard of and seen too many former ball players aimlessly meandering through life without direction or purpose after they discover there is no scholarship or professional career waiting for them. Up until that time, all they have done is play baseball year round. They know about the different manufacturer of bats. They have a opinion about wood versus metal. They know about what cleats to wear given the field conditions.They know how to pack, travel and play baseball, but they don’t know much else. They have had no exposure to other facets of life and have neglected their studies and any career search process because, well, playing sports was going to be their life.

The Scholarship Nazi finds these kids to be ripe for the beat down and enjoys every second of devouring their souls and then sending them off to wander the streets in a daze. He is a true predator. Please protect your child from the nasty Scholarship Nazi.

Having a conversation with your teen about the odds is part of pledging to the eighteen year plan discussed here. If your goal is to have an emotionally mature young man or woman by the age of eighteen, then foregoing this conversation will be detrimental to your child’s development.

Developing an “A” plan early on (even if it changes) will go along ways from preventing this from happening to your son or daughter and will give them a leg-up on the real world.

Baseball is the “B” Plan at Age Thirteen

As a result of these odds, playing sports for scholarship or professionally should be the “B” plan and not the “A” plan at age thirteen. After the odds are disclosed, you should work together with him over time to develop the “A” plan. I should add that the “A” plan for him or her might not necessarily involve college at that time or any time. Developing an “A” plan means discovering interests and abilities that are marketable outside of playing baseball or any sport and developing the skill set necessary to make that plan a reality.

This does not mean that a player should not work to become a better ball player or should not stay with the game. Baseball ultimately, like any sport, is a mainly a medium through which life lessons are taught. If you teach your son about the process of trying to improve in an athletic endeavor like baseball, he can apply a similar approach to other things in life.

Play for Fun

More important than all this serious discussion is that playing baseball with friends is fun. Good, clean, outdoor fun is hard to come by these days.

After you tell your child about the Scholarship Nazi and after, perhaps, a period of disappointment, you might be in for a nice surprise. Your son may approach the game with a new enthusiasm. Why? Because the pressure has been removed. After all the scholarship and pro talk is removed from the conversation, he may find himself loving the game for the game and not for what it can do for him; he might just renew his dedication to the sport and go on and savor and enjoy every moment of playing baseball for the pure and simple love of the game and all that surrounds it. Isn’t that what playing any sport should really be about anyway?

What are your thoughts and comments? Please feel free to share them below.